so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
