i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
