Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
