you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
