Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
