You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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