before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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