this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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