...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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