So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
