That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
