when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
