How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize