it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
