PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
