Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We talked him into tasing himself.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
