So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Ketchup is God's man juice
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it's like heaven, but drunker
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize