why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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