she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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