can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
