He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
