I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?