I cut my penus on the lid.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA