Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
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Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
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For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering