shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.