I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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