I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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