My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
