all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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