i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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