I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
