Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
