So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
