You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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