I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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