I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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