we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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