i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
