I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need to calm my uterus...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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