Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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