cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
