She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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