There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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