What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
