once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
