i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
