He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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