Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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