oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
