Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
