You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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