i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
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Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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