Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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