addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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