i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
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i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
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Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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