Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
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