dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
