my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
