Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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